Sunday Weight Update

Current Weight :232

I lost 2 pounds this week. 

I guess I’m back to my usual…no complaints from me!

Ahhhhh Massage….

Working-out as frequently and with the intensity that I am these days, my muscles can get pretty sore.  My stress level has also been a bit on the high side lately, and since I can’t control my stress with pie anymore I tend to put all that stress in my shoulders and neck!

Needless to say, I was super excited to get a full body massage from Julie Webster yesterday in Boulder.  I can’t tell you how much better I felt afterward!  Massage helps reduce stress, increases flexibility and can also aid muscles in recovering between workouts.  I’m excited to see how this will affect my exercise routines in the future.  Julie will be giving me a massage every couple of weeks, I’ll report back on how this is going.

Julie is also a major foodie and has lots of great recipes on her website and blog.  She made me a beautiful salad for lunch and is teaching me so much about flavorful, healthy dishes that I am actually enjoying eating!

Why I’m glad I gained 100 pounds…

While losing this weight is probably one of the toughest things I’ll tackle in my life, I’m still glad I gained it in the first place.  I’m a very different person because of it.  Here are a few reasons why:

I don’t judge other people so much anymore.  Since I know what it feels like to avoid mirrors, and be ignored by clerks in stores, I find myself drawn to unattractive people.  Whether their appearance is affected by things they can change (weight or eighties bangs) or something they can’t change, I want to compliment them and make them feel good (and sometimes fix their bangs).

I can relate to people with all kinds of self-control problems, problems that some people would call addictions.  (I don’t believe that addiction is a disease, but lets don’t go there on this blog!)  Whether their problem is drugs, alcohol, porn, hoarding, shopping or other compulsive behaviors, I can relate.  I know how hard it is to change. 

I understand the mother in the grocery store with three kids, wearing her husbands sweatpants with cheerios stuck in her hair.  She hasn’t “let herself go” and she probably isn’t lazy either.  She’s overwhelmed and doing the best she can.

I feel lucky that my problem is an “outer” one.  It’s clear to anyone who sees me just what I struggle with.  I feel sorry for people who look great on the outside and can’t share as easily their struggle, and I know everyone has one.

I don’t judge the man who’s so fat he has to ride in a little cart in the grocery store, or the 400 pound woman on Oprah talking about eating 2 dozen doughnuts for breakfast (mmmm… doughnuts!)I get it.  What if my life were a bit different?  Would I weigh 400 pounds?  I used to gawk at these people and think how stupid they were.  “Geez, just stop eating and exercise, Fatty!”  I know God heard those thoughts and decided to teach me a little lesson.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think God made me fat!  But I do think he allowed me to have this struggle in order to make me a better person. 

I no longer base my worth as a person on my looks.  My husband, family and friends love me for who I am, not what I look like.  To realize you’re loved for what’s inside is such a wonderful gift!

This weight gain has also helped me be open and honest about ALL my problems. (Yes!  There are more!)  If I can post my weight on Facebook, I can share openly about ANYTHING!

Sunday Weight Update

Good morning!  I lost 1 pound this week. 

I’ve done really well with my new eating plan in the last few days.  As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m focusing on changing my cycles of eating and starving myself.  The last few days when I’ve eaten food, I’ve  then stopped myself from the negative self-talk that tells me what a bad girl I’ve been and how I should be losing five pounds per week!  I’m trying to completely redesign my relationship with food instead of just pretending like I shouldn’t have one at all! 

Current Weight: 234

My inner child should be seen and not heard.

I had another hypnotherapy session with Jenna Robbert  this week.  First, Jenna and I talk about what’s going on with me.  We dig a little deeper into the why of my situation and what habits and behaviors I need to adjust.  Then, through a relaxed state of mind, she suggests changes to my behaviors.

This session we worked on visualizing the end result of this dieting process.  Isn’t it interesting that you tend to see that thin you of the future as a totally different person, with no connection to the you of right now?  Jenna began helping me to connect the two people in my mind.  Let’s face it! If I can begin to eat and live like that skinny person today, I will lose weight!

My inner 8-year-old also got some screen time this week.  While talking with Jenna I mentioned that there was still a

She looks harmless....

 little part of me that was rebellious and willful about wanting to do whatever I wanted to do no matter the repercussions.  Jenna asked me how old this little me was and without hesitation I said “Eight!”  I don’t really know where that came from, I’ve never thought about this sort of thing before.  It did, however, bring up some interesting issues.

The truth is that wanting everything your own way, sneaking food, resisting authority, and in general wanting what you want RIGHT NOW  is very 8-year-old behavior!  I know, I had two eight year olds last year!  I’m trying to focus on each decision, feeling and situation and ask myself: “Am I handling this like the adult that I am or like a child?”  

My trainer, Nicole, had this to say, “That 8-year-old girl needs to be nurtured, helping her to feel whole and satisfactory just for who she is, but her demanding tantrums to try to make things easy MUST be kicked to the curb for you to win at this.”

 Anyone who knew me at eight can tell you that that little hellion is a force to be reckoned with!

Purfectionism! Perfectshunism! Perfectionisum!

I had a good talk with Nicole this morning. We had one of those training sessions where I don’t break a sweat, but do burst into tears a few times. I’m still struggling to figure out just what works for me and the deeper I get into this weight loss process, the more problems I’m discovering. Boy, do I have a lot of food issues. The good thing is I realize that now and I’m starting to tackle them one by one.

Today’s issue is perfectionism. In my warped mind anything short of perfect just isn’t good enough so I should just quit. I feel bad that NOTHING in my life is perfect, so I eat cake to feel better. I’m upset that I blew my perfect diet, so I eat more cake. As soon as _________ is perfect, weight loss will be easy. If my house were perfect I could be a perfect mother. If my children’s behavior was perfect, homeschool would be perfect. See what I mean?

My weight loss has been good, 40 pounds so far. Here’s the part I don’t like to talk about: It’s been rough. I haven’t found a plan that I can stick to perfectly, so I bounce from idea to idea. I binge then I starve myself. Up down up down. I’ve lost weight because I have balanced my bad days with “perfect” days. I can’t live like this long-term and lose weight or maintain weight loss. I have to learn that my life needs to be made up of GOOD days, not perfect or bad ones. Does that make sense?

Nicole is working with me on eating when I’m hungry (crazy right?) and focusing on foods that make me feel good and that I like.  For instance carbs don’t make me feel good, so I’ll avoid them.   I will eat foods that I like, even forbidden “non diet” foods that I tend to overeat.  Instead I will try to teach myself to enjoy those food in moderation only when I’m hungry.  I know, it’s a crazy plan.  You’re thinking “DUH!”, I can tell!  But this is the getting right to the heart of the issue for me. 

Today will not be perfect.  I don’t have to be perfect.  Nobody thinks I’m anywhere NEAR perfect, so I’m not letting anyone down.  It’s okay to have a good day. 

Lots of good days  =  weight loss. The combo of perfect & bad days = stress and weight gain.

Weight Update

 

Okay, I warned you people that I was gaining weight earlier in the week.  I gained 3, count them, 3 pounds this week.  I totally used the fact that I gained weight on the cleanse as an excuse to be a very naughty girl.  I don’t feel the need to fully confess, however I will say I visited 2 fast food establishments later in the week.  I would like to use the excuse that I’m retaining water and having some hormonal issues.  Current Weight: 235  Moving on…..

I’m stressed. I’m really, really stressed.

I must tell you before reading this that I’m going to say some pretty nasty things about people in this blog.  I’m a good Southern lady and I can assure you it is okay to say ANYTHING about ANYONE as long as it is followed by “bless their heart!”  It’s like a rule.  Another good way to be nasty is to say whatever the horrible thing is and then add “I’ll say a prayer about that.”  Using my sweetest Southern drawl also makes things sound nicer.

I’d like to tell you that this weight loss thing has gotten pretty automatic after nearly five months.  It hasn’t.  I struggled just as much today as I did the first day of my diet. 

I’m trying to be a good mom to my children, bless their little hearts.  If I have to tell them to brush their teeth one more time I’m going to rip my hair out.  I’m serious.  I calculated the other day that I have told my children to brush their teeth approximately 8,300 times.  It’s not so much that I don’t want to remind them, but that they whine and complain EVERY TIME I do.  If that is how tooth brushing goes, you can imagine teaching them long division.  Sigh.

My husband, bless his heart, is the sweetest man in the world.  Do I need to tell you what happens to the “sweetest man in the world” in corporate America?  Don’t get me started.  Ridiculous long hours, no compensation, disrespectful employees, mean customers, and a boss (bless his heart) who it is safe to say has made it to the top of my “revenge list.”  Yes, I have a revenge list.  Don’t leave me any mean comments on this blog…I have space for a few extra names.  My husband puts everyone else before himself (again, not a great policy in corporate America) and always falls on his sword for…whoever needs it.  He’s worked six days a week since he started this accursed job and I miss him and need him right now.  Can’t corporate America share him with me (OR PAY HIM A WHOLE LOT BETTER SO I COULD AFFORD A POOL BOY TO DRY MY TEARS?!)  I’ll say a prayer about that.

I’m tired of other people letting me down, but most of all I’m tired of letting myself down.  I’m exhausted.  I did a cleanse for the last three days.  It’s just a simple one where you take lots of vitamins, drink protein shakes and eat little fiber bars.  I gained two pounds.  I’m not kidding you.  Two pounds.  AAAHHHHHH!  I’m feeling pressure right now from all sides.  I feel like I’m disappointing my family, friends and partners when I don’t do well.  I’m feeling pressure to show great weight loss every week on my blog and every month in Women’s Magazine.

And then I made the horrible mistake of watching The Biggest Loser.  I haven’t watched at all this season, so I went online to catch the first couple of episodes yesterday.  Are you freaking kidding me?  These people (bless their hearts) are losing 10 and 15 pounds a week, week after week!   Is this inspirational or just frustrating!? AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

October Update in Women’s Magazine

I wanted to share a link to my 

 See Sara Shrink October Update in Women’s Magazine. 

I hope my article provides some encouragement to take care of yourself this month.

In other news…

Thanks to A Weight Lifted (a great blog for weight loss and healthy body image inspiration) for answering my question as the first in a series of questions asked by readers and answered by staff at Green Mountain at Fox Run. 

My question was:  “What do I need to say to myself when I’m wanting to make a bad food choice (like eating when I’m not hungry)?  How can I focus on my ultimate goal and not just meet an immediate emotional need with food?”

Check out the answer given and leave some advice of your own at A Weight Lifted.

Weight Update

I lost 2 more pounds this week.  Well, at least I’m consistent!

Current Weight: 232